Comments on: Can you proof read my essay for me please? http://hurricanequestions.com/can-you-proof-read-my-essay-for-me-please.htm Sun, 20 May 2012 17:17:45 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: Rachel http://hurricanequestions.com/can-you-proof-read-my-essay-for-me-please.htm/comment-page-1#comment-7601 Rachel Thu, 07 Jan 2010 09:38:32 +0000 http://hurricanequestions.com/can-you-proof-read-my-essay-for-me-please.htm#comment-7601 "quantity of food and water is very little etc." should say something like "and there are often food and water shortages." Don't say etc. "To help people start the recovery process; " should NOT be a semicolon. Should be a comma. "any particular state or municipality—" should be a comma, not a dash. "job of the local or state government, with the help of volunteer agencies." No comma there. if the municipal and/or state government are" should say "if the government is" avoid using and/or "happening was clearly more that the state/local government can handle" replace "that" with "than" "businesses, and private units." Aren't businesses private units? That's really unclear. Reword it. "to prepare for these tragedies; so who must help them in their time of need?" use a comma, not a semi colon. "My response is" Don't write essays in the first person. Just saying "Everyone must take a part in the reconstruction process..." is fine. Also, put the 3rd paragraph in the place of the 2nd paragraph. Explain WHY you believe what you do about government responses. "quantity of food and water is very little etc." should say something like "and there are often food and water shortages." Don’t say etc.

"To help people start the recovery process; " should NOT be a semicolon. Should be a comma.

"any particular state or municipality—" should be a comma, not a dash.

"job of the local or state government, with the help of volunteer agencies."
No comma there.

if the municipal and/or state government are" should say "if the government is"

avoid using and/or

"happening was clearly more that the state/local government can handle" replace "that" with "than"

"businesses, and private units." Aren’t businesses private units? That’s really unclear. Reword it.

"to prepare for these tragedies; so who must help them in their time of need?" use a comma, not a semi colon.

"My response is" Don’t write essays in the first person. Just saying "Everyone must take a part in the reconstruction process…" is fine.

Also, put the 3rd paragraph in the place of the 2nd paragraph.

Explain WHY you believe what you do about government responses.

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