What do you think of this poem? What lines would you change to and to what? How can i make it more professiona
Home is where the heart is
There have been many changes in my life
New career, new friends, new life
But my home has always been there
Home is where memories are created
Memories of the Bianco family have been generated
In our home since 1956
My father’s confirmation party in the backyard
My communion party in the living room
My brothers first step in the TV room
My brother fell through the ceiling from the attic to my bedroom
My aunt drove the car through the garage door
My sister snuck out her second floor bedroom window
My brother threw a measuring cup at my head in the kitchen
Memories can be as happy as one jumping on the trampoline in the backyard
To as sad as Aunt Reny having a heart attack in the den
Home is about love and laughter
Home is where you spend time with family
To create bonds and friendships
My house is in Jersey but my home is wherever I choose to be
A house is a form of shelter that protects you from the weather
Home is where you can be yourself without worry
Home is where love grows and you change
My heart may be in New York but my home is in New Jersey.
Tagged with: bedroom window • bianco • bonds • changes in my life • communion • confirmation • friendships • garage door • having a heart attack • heart attack • laughter • living room • measuring cup • memories • new friends • there have been many changes • time with family • trampoline • tv room • where the heart is
Filed under: Weather
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Firstly, I will start by suggesting you establish a rhyme scheme because, in this poem, you jump back and forth between rhyming and not rhyming. You have to choose one or the other. Also, if the first stanza is AABB, be consistent with that throughout the poem. Secondly, I noticed that in the first stanza, second line, you rhymed life with itself. You can keep it, but it might sound better if you found a different word to substitute for life. In the second stanza, ninth line, I think you should end the line in "floor" if you want to keep with the flimsy rhyme scheme you have set out. My final critique is that you begin the poem with "home is where the heart is", and that contradicts the last line. Your main problem is consistency, but other than that, it really is a good poem.
Don’t listen to the rhyme scheme thing. It shows that you have your own style, and not just trying to copy other poets style. I like it just the way it is. I love poetry, and this one touched my heart.