Comments on: Would you say this is a good eye catcher to a book? http://hurricanequestions.com/would-you-say-this-is-a-good-eye-catcher-to-a-book.htm Thu, 24 May 2012 11:25:19 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: ersatz_catz http://hurricanequestions.com/would-you-say-this-is-a-good-eye-catcher-to-a-book.htm/comment-page-1#comment-10554 ersatz_catz Thu, 20 May 2010 00:00:47 +0000 http://hurricanequestions.com/would-you-say-this-is-a-good-eye-catcher-to-a-book.htm#comment-10554 Before you start writing, you're going to need to learn how to make sentences. FOR EXAMPLE, "The War Heads were self destructed before they left the ground, what was once a country of 1,330,044,544 is now nothing but a few mutants from the radiation and death, death is everywhere." This should be divided into a number of sentences. "The War Heads self-destructed before they left the ground. What was once a country of 1,330,044,544 is now nothing but a few mutants from the radiation and death; death is everywhere." Although the writing is still bad ("now nothing but a few mutants from the radiation and death" so, the people who are left are mutants because they died, or because others died? this is just bad) at least you'll, hopefully, come to understand punctuation a bit. Also, if the war heads can self-destruct, that is, destruct on their own, then they WERE not self-destructed, as you wrote. This implies that SOMEONE destructed the missiles, and then it wouldn't be self-destruction. You have a lot of inconsistencies like this in your writing. It's just sloppy and bad. And dystopian futures have been done to death. Before you start writing, you’re going to need to learn how to make sentences.

FOR EXAMPLE,
"The War Heads were self destructed before they left the ground, what was once a country of 1,330,044,544 is now nothing but a few mutants from the radiation and death, death is everywhere."

This should be divided into a number of sentences.

"The War Heads self-destructed before they left the ground. What was once a country of 1,330,044,544 is now nothing but a few mutants from the radiation and death; death is everywhere."

Although the writing is still bad ("now nothing but a few mutants from the radiation and death" so, the people who are left are mutants because they died, or because others died? this is just bad) at least you’ll, hopefully, come to understand punctuation a bit.

Also, if the war heads can self-destruct, that is, destruct on their own, then they WERE not self-destructed, as you wrote. This implies that SOMEONE destructed the missiles, and then it wouldn’t be self-destruction.

You have a lot of inconsistencies like this in your writing. It’s just sloppy and bad. And dystopian futures have been done to death.

]]> By: Beth http://hurricanequestions.com/would-you-say-this-is-a-good-eye-catcher-to-a-book.htm/comment-page-1#comment-10555 Beth Thu, 20 May 2010 00:00:47 +0000 http://hurricanequestions.com/would-you-say-this-is-a-good-eye-catcher-to-a-book.htm#comment-10555 I do like the idea, but it seems like too much information it too little space. Try to stretch it out a little longer so that it has a little more substance. And, there are some grammatical things that need to be worked out, but I really do think it seems interesting. (I love reading/ these kinds of things too) This story sounds interesting. And I really like that last line. ;) I do like the idea, but it seems like too much information it too little space. Try to stretch it out a little longer so that it has a little more substance. And, there are some grammatical things that need to be worked out, but I really do think it seems interesting. (I love reading/ these kinds of things too) This story sounds interesting. And I really like that last line. ;)

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